Living with depression means experiencing both good days and bad days, and lately, it feels like the bad days have been outweighing the good. When I think of a “good” day, I’m really thinking about a version of myself that feels close to normal—where my mind is clear, my energy is steady, and I’m not constantly weighed down. But recently, that baseline has felt harder to reach, as if depression is pulling me further away from it.
Most days, I find myself lying in bed, scrolling endlessly through social media, searching for something—anything—to spark my interest. I know I should be focusing on my schoolwork, especially since the program has provided accommodations to support me, but even logging in feels like a heavy task. What once felt like a goal now feels like a chore. Mentally, I understand the importance of finishing what I started, but physically and emotionally, I feel stuck. It’s frustrating to feel so far behind when all I want is to move forward and complete the program.
This leaves me with an ongoing internal question: do I let depression take over, or do I keep pushing forward despite how difficult it feels? It often feels like a constant battle between giving in and fighting back. Even on the hardest days, there’s still a small part of me that wants to keep going, to not let depression define the outcome. Maybe success, right now, isn’t about feeling motivated or strong—but simply about continuing to try, even when it feels like everything inside me is resisting.